If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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