Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
