tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
