It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
