I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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