It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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