i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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