You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
