somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A+ Viking dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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