I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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