Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
