My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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