i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
