I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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