I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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