I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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