You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
