okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
