There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
