Ambien. No doubt about it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
