It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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