Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
