Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
