Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
