You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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