Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
