I only kidnapped one of them. chill
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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