i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
