Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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