maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He did a backflip because drugs
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