my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
