So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
