it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
