Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
