It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
