i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
