Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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