On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
