What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
