for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
