I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
