the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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