Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
