Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
