The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
