she woke up with a sticky ear
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
