nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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