you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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