I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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