i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
