no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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