Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
